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It is 2 am in KL and I am still awake

Publications > Books > Reflections

by Arnel Banaga Salgado (A Reprint - 07/Jun/2010 2:05:45 AM)

I am trying to sleep but it looks like I cannot sleep it all. Perhaps I took too much caffeine. I already resolved to reduce my consumption of coffee from 20 cups a day to at least 3 cups, because for the last two weeks, I was struggling to calm my nerves since obviously I suffered from a nervous breakdown and depression. Caffeine stimulated my nerves too much, that was why my brain brought me a lot of unwelcomed thoughts, mostly negative. I always perceived that my future is bleak as I will lost everything including the job that supports my family. I was so attached with so many things, that is why separating from these things can bring me insurmountable anxiety.

I am trying to resolve this anxiety, fear and pessimism that beseeched me for the past few weeks. I tried to relax, and enjoy every moment of the day with my time and my son. Sometimes, I am so succesful, sometimes I am not, just like now.

This morning, I went to the Saint John Cathedral in Kuala Lumpur and attended the 8 am mass. It was celebrated by Philippine educated chinese Jesuit priest. After that I talked with Msgr James about my forthcoming ordination. I truly believe that I still have this calling to serve God. Despite of my sins, I can still be accepted by Jesus to be one of his pastor who will truly dedicate their lives to sheperd the faithful, like St Augustine of Hippo.

After that, I went home and watched movie called Robin Hood and of course I cooked for my son.

Please pray for me.